So I was surfing around Youtube and accidentally wondered into a Wendy Williams video whereby she interviewed Brad Goreski about his new show “It’s a Brad Brad world” on Bravo. To be honest, Brad is kind of a hit-or-miss for me. Sometimes I think he’s adorable and sometimes I find him sorta annoying. All in all, I have a very neutral opinion about him, even after the big mess ensued when he parted way with Rachel Zoe, who appears to me more and more of a b. I digress. So as an inquisitive person that I am, I was curious how well the show was doing after its premiere so I googled him. From there I got to a little site called Fashionista.com. As expected, I found several positive as well as negative comments about this geek-chic character who has the nerve to even attempt to disturb the hierarchy of the Hollywood styling scene. But one comment caught my attention, as well as managed to boil my blood. It came in the form of
“IMHO, he’s a step backwards for the gay community…”
To say I was annoyed is an understatement. I would totally understand his position if he is a fan of Rachel Zoe. However, she was not mentioned at all in his comment. In contrast, he was pointing out the fact that Brad Goreski was a disgrace to the gay community. As someone who has watched Brad not only on “The Rachel Zoe Project” but also many interviews, I could not understand how on earth this geeky skinny fashion-conscious guy can be a “step backward for the gay community.” Then it hit me, he probably was referring to Brad’s non-conforming mannerisms to the conventional gender norms - or in short Brad’s femininity. My reply was to the effect of:
“Why is he a step backwards for the gay community? Because he loves fashion? Because he works in fashion? Because he dresses stylishly and colourfully? Because he’s a bit feminine and emotional sometimes? Because he has a long term boyfriend? well you know what, FUCK YOU. If you’re gay I bet you’re one of those “normal” “straight-acting” gays who make fun and look down on feminine gay men (I saw his profile picture). Ignorant and judgemental gays/people like you are a step backwards for humanity let alone the gay community. You all always talk about how people don’t accept you for who you are and overlook your other qualities but people like you only focus on certain aspects of gays like him and judge them when you don’t even know him. And what’s wrong with a man being feminine? So fking SICK of your misogynistic and masculinity-centric attitudes.”
Excuse my use of the F word. I know it’s not appropriate but somehow at that moment, all the feelings that I felt when I observed the “welcoming attitude” that a lot of “normal” “Straight acting” “masculine” gays directing towards feminine/racial minority/non-conforming to gender norms gays. I accept any criticisms for that but I would not change it if I could write it again. Anyway, here what’s he wrote back:
“It has absolutely nothing with him being feminine. I have feminine gay friends and have ABSOLUTELY no issue with that. He’s got such a huge spotlight right now…and there are SO MANY “stereotypical” gays in the spotlight and now he’s just another one of them. He’s doing absolutely nothing to help further the fight, to help gain the rightfully deserved equal rights that everyone is seeking. “
And my response was:
“….Secondly, a person’s success in life comes to him mostly thanks to his talent and his luck. So just because Brad and “people like him” accumulating the “stereotypes” they should put themselves down and should never strive for success??? Now only “normal” and “manly” gay men should be in the limelight??? Wow, again talking about EQUALITY irrespective of your traits. Let me tell you what: there could be more “normal” and “straight acting” gay men if they COME OUT of the closet or allow people to know that they’re gay. If they don’t want that it’s not Brad or feminine gay guys’ faults that there seems to be more of their type in the spotlight. Stereotypes exist because of the early mass appearance of one minor group in a bigger group. If “normal” and “manly” gays had had the guts to be themselves and come out there would not be any stereotypes at all. So don’t blame people for your own problem. That’s not very “manly”. Thirdly, how do you know he’s not doing anything to further the fight? He’s got a reality tv show in which he’s living with his long term partner and he’s building his career. All of those just show he’s a career as well as a relationship man, the latter characteristic the gays are still said to lack. He’s using his life to portray a healthy and conventional lifestyle and hate it or like it, it’s better in the eyes of the straight world than “normal” “manly” gays getting so obsessed with their bodies and judging/ devaluing other people for their less than superior appearances/ successes. Fourthly, what is wrong with there being “SO MANY stereotypical gays in the spotlight” and “fighting for equality”??? Even if there are no “normal” and “manly” gays, these “stereotypical” gays still deserve equal rights and their presence in the media is no obstacle to any equality being fought for.
And PS: I clicked on your profile and it appeared to me that you are/used to be working for GLAAD. If even GLAAD can’t see these kinds of reasoning I don’t know how they should be the representative for the LGBT community. And speaking of which, I notice there are a trend in those so-called “Gay organizations” that they promote “normal” “non-feminine” gays to the frontier. Really? Equality for all? What a load of crap. You all can’t even practice what you breach so I don’t see why you should fight for any equality. Perhaps the first equality to fight for is within yourselves. And saying you have a lot of feminine gay friends and are fine with it yet there are TOO MANY of them is like straight people say they have a lot of gay friends and are fine with that being they just don’t want them to be able to get married. Just because you have a lot of something doesn’t make your dislike for that thing less hurtful.”
“However, I still think that he’s a stereotypical gay guy who’s not using his spotlight in the way I would’ve hoped.”
And I finally said:
“”I still think that he’s a stereotypical gay guy who’s not using his spotlight in the way I would’ve hoped.” Look at Adam Lambert and Lance Bass who have been famous for longer and have much more influence. What exactly have they done? In fact Adam Lambert said at the beginning of his career that he’s not comfortable being an activist so why focus on Brad whose fame and career hasn’t even started so Idk where you get the “I still think that he’s a stereotypical gay guy who’s not using his spotlight in the way I would’ve hoped.” If he’s that influential perhaps Bravo wouldn’t have cancelled his show after ONE episode just like you mentioned. And there’s nothing “stereotypical” about him. He’s building his career; he has a long term bf; he’s emotional; he dresses stylishly and nicely. If those are the bad stereotypes which prevent the fight for equality then you can count me as against equality. Or should I call it equality (superiority) for the “normal” “not into fashion” gender norms conforming” faux heterosexual gay men?”
Call me bitchy, angry, self-centred etc. You just can’t deny there’s a division between the LGBT community, more particularly a contempt and disdain that “normal” or “manly” or “straight-acting” gay guys held towards feminine/racial minority/non-athletic gays. Maybe many of the former have a lot of friends belonging to the latter category. That being said, socialization and familiarity doesn’t necessarily equate with respect and understanding. They may be fine hanging out them, but they never want to be in the same category with them. Legislative discriminations can be changed; ignorance about homosexuality can be changed; but the deep inside psychological prejudice, in my opinion, cannot be altered, especially when the subjects don’t even want that to happen.